Wrestlemania the Album Review
Bret Hart and The Undertaker Like You've Never Heard Before
Jun 10, 2009
An interesting experiment if nothing else, Wrestlemania: The Album features eight of the then WWF's top stars "singing" sometimes catchy, mainly wince inducing pop songs. This is one album Simon Cowell likely regrets having produced.
As evidenced by his forays into body building with the WBF, sketch comedy with Tuesday Night Titans, movies with WWE Films, football with the XFL and countless other outside projects Vince McMahon has always wanted to expand his wrestling empire into as many forms of entertainment as possible. Wrestlemania: The Album marked his first attempt to top the pop charts using his own homegrown talent, rather than simply using popular artists such as Cyndi Lauper.
Wrestlemania and Summerslam
The first two tracks of the ten track album are about WWE's two biggest pay per view events, Wrestlemania and Summerslam. Like almost every song on the album these two feature professional singers singing alongside spoken quotes from the era's more popular wrestlers, all set to low quality synth.
Both songs are undeniably catchy, even if their actual musical quality is questionable. Interestingly the "Summerslam Jam" does not once mention the show it is meant to be about, instead preferring to repeat the phrase "slam jam". Further, the song "Wrestlemania" begins with the shouted question "Are you ready for the Survivor Series?" an entirely different show. This lack of attention to detail is testament to the album's overall quality, a sort of warning of what is to come.
Bret Hart, The Undertaker, and More
"The Nasty Boys are just plain Nasty" says Bobby "The Brain" Heenan on the track "Nasty Boys Stomp", serving to describe both the tag team and their song. This song along with "I'm Perfect" by Mr. Perfect, and "The Man in Black" by The Undertaker are immediately forgettable and consist of little more than repetitions of quotes by the credited wrestler. Mr. Perfect's song is simply the man saying his own name on a loop.
Bret Hart's "Never Been a Right Time to Say Goodbye" will likely leave the listener embarassed for the Hitman, as he "sings" Shatner style about having to leave a woman for her own good. Not even wearing pink wrestling gear emasculated Hart as much as this song.
Tatanka's "Tatanka Native American" and The Big Boss Man's "Hard Times" are perhaps the most ironically enjoyable songs of the album. They certainly aren't enjoyable on any other level. Both teach the listener something important about the wrestler, for instance it is revealed that not only does Tatanka have "Native American blood in [his] veins" but he "fights in the World Wrestling Federation". This is repeated throughout the song in case listeners didn't get it the first dozen times.
Bossman, it seems, is eager to arrest anyone who even sets foot within his hometown of Cobb County Georgia. This information is imparted through a faux-country/rock style that actually manages to suit the character.
Randy Savage and Jim Duggan Redeem
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan's song "U.S.A." may follow the same basic layout of the previous songs, quotes from the wrestler and repetition of the same, but it utilizes these tools in a superior manner. What Duggan says is more than a canned character summary, and is delivered in a believable manner. The repetition of the song's title is enjoyably catchy. In this case the formula simply works.
"Macho Man" Randy Savage's "Speaking From the Heart" seems to be a precursor to Savage's own rap album released years later, and like Duggan's song it involves more than seemingly randomly chosen quotes. The song is enjoyable in a non-ironic manner, as long as the listener can swallow the larger-than-life persona of the Macho Man.
Wrestlemania Overall
Despite an obvious lack of quality the album is worth a listen for any old-school wrestling fan wishing to hear their favourite wrestlers perform outside the ring. Duggan and Savage bring true quality, while the rest are good for a laugh.
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